


Empty and Bitter

by Skeletical



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Break Up, Hurt No Comfort, Internal Conflict, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 08:58:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5042116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skeletical/pseuds/Skeletical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris and Hawke broke up. Garrett isn't dealing with it as well as he'd like to. Midnight mullings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Empty and Bitter

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I wrote this in the middle of the night at like 2 am. The inspiration hit me just as I turned off my light to go to sleep, haha! But yeah, that explains the weird flow and possible writing/grammar errors. Sorry about that.  
> Anyway, this is heavily based on my own break up and I think I just really needed an outlet for it and in my head these worked, so I rolled with it. Incidentally also my first time I ever wrote any of these characters so I'm sorry for any OOC-ness.  
> K, enjoy.

Bittersweet. That's what Varric had told him. Fenris had said it felt bittersweet. "He felt relieved, but he also regrets that he had to hurt you like this, Hawke." The blonde man had told Garrett begrudgingly, worry and hesitance written on his face as he looked at his best friend. Hawke had insisted that Varric tell him about the talk he and his ex had had, desperate to have affirmation that Fenris was affected in some way by their break up. But after listening to Varric's honesty, Garrett just felt empty and bitter. Like he had over the last couple of weeks. Determined to not let it show, Hawke had merely forced a grin to his face to reassure Varric. "I'm glad he's happy, at least."

That had been earlier today.

Now he lay in bed, unable to sleep although his eyes felt heavy with either fatigue or gut wrenching apathy. Garrett couldn't tell the difference anymore. The dark haired man picked up his phone from beside him, sighing as he navigated to the browser and mindlessly starting surfing the web.

How dare Fenris, really. How _dare_ he say he 'regret' having to have hurt Hawke. That wasn't a fair thing to say. Not after the dark skinned man had ended things between them; a relationship that lasted one and a half year. Plus eight days. Garrett remembered the dates perfectly. He'd been planning something for their next anniversary. Something he had hoped Fenris would like. But that didn't matter anymore now.

A quiet, unguarded sigh escaped the man as he thought to himself in the dark, fingers tapping and scrolling through the articles he was reading, head propped up on his pillows as his dark hair spilled on it. He was in need of a haircut, but it was hard to bring himself to even schedule an appointment these days.

He blamed that on Fenris, too.

He didn't want to be mad, though. The logical part of his brain knew and told him that it really wasn't Fenris' fault. The pale haired man didn't quite deserve all this anger directed at him. But it didn't stop Hawke from feeling the way he did.

It'd been a proper break up; they'd talked about it. Or rather, Fenris had quietly admitted that he thought they weren't going to work out while they were out for coffee and Garrett had been unable to do anything but reluctantly nod and agree. Even though he didn't agree. He hadn't seen it coming at all. But why would he cling to something when his partner told him it was time to call it quits? Hawke didn't want to be that kind of person, so he pretended that it was okay to let go.

Only hours later, when Hawke had returned to the apartment he called home, had he started to feel the sting and the bitterness that came with it. Perhaps it only started sinking in then. Shock tended to dull people, after all.

Even so, Fenris had asked to remain friends. Garrett had agreed. Hawke had regretted his words when he came home. All of them. He found himself wondering only days later if things would've been different if he hadn't just meekly gone along with the course Fenris had set for them. For their relationship.

_"You're right, I suppose. We are growing apart."_

_"No, there is no use in trying."_

_"It's fine."_

_"Yeah, we can be friends. Just give me some time, okay?"_

It had startled Hawke how guilty but relieved Fenris had looked when he replied in that beautifully deep voice of his, _"As long as you need."_

It just served to make Garrett angrier thinking back to it, two weeks later in the middle of the night. Fenris didn't have the right. The audacity to ask him to be friends. Hawke might've laughed if he hadn't been so upset about the whole ordeal. Or if he hadn't been so overwhelmed. He didn't want to lose Fenris; didn't want to cut him out of his life completely. But as the hours and days dragged on, he worried that it was the only way to get over the other man. Forget and forgive, maybe? But he didn't get the chance to forget, let alone forgive. Fenris had attempted to text him, ask him if he was alright. Which Garrett promptly decided to ignore. Only after he'd replied; **'hahahahah no but yknow :)'**.

Yeah, thinking back to it, that hadn't been the best way to react, he supposed.

But sadness had gradually turned into apathy; apathy that extended beyond his relationship with Fenris. Apathy towards Hawke's job, his friends, his life. He couldn't help but feel alone most nights when he was sat on his own on his sofa, staring emptily at the TV screen with whatever alcoholic beverage suited his tastes that evening in hand.

Maker, how could be so pathetic? It was honestly one of Garrett's lowest points, really. He'd finally hit it, he thought bitterly to himself. And then, with sudden clarity, Hawke realised what he had typed in on Google search and he heaved a sigh.

'How to commit suicide at home'.

He shut his eyes, a look of pure defeat crossing his face, mirroring his inner feelings as he lowered his phone. It was time to go to sleep, he decided.

Hawke allowed a lonesome tear to escape his eye as he clicked away the page and put his phone down next to his pillow. He curled up and stared into the darkness before he shut his eyes and attempted to clear his mind. He had spend more than enough tears on Fenris by now. Garrett was through with crying for him.

Another quiet exhale of breath.

He tried to ignore how empty his bed felt without that familiar body beside him.


End file.
